4 questions to ask before becoming a parent
Updated: Oct 10, 2020
Guest post by Yummii Nguyen.
I believe there is a myth that one cannot mentally or emotionally prepare for parenthood.
Ask yourself these first 3 questions:
Whose love did you crave for the most when growing up?
Could you show up authentically around your parents?
Do you currently feel seen, heard, and understood?
When we bring awareness to our wounds, and inherited beliefs - we can choose to expand and grow beyond them. We can let go of beliefs that once hindered us, and create new beliefs that will empower us.
When we continue to live in the experience of lack or unworthiness - this shows up as guilt, self-judgement, and fear in our parenting.
This brings us to another important question:
4. Do you know how to love your child?
We assume that as a human being we should know how to love, however, no-one teaches us 'how to love'.
What does it take to love someone?
Have you ever sat down and thought about it? Like really think, do I know 'how to love?'
In Thich Nhat Hanh's book "How to Love" he writes:
"Before having a child, it would be wonderful if people would take a year to look deeply into themselves, to practice loving speech and deep listening, and to learn the other practices that will help them enjoy themselves and their children more."
Dr. Dan Siegel explains that when our child is reacting, or being out of control, they are testing whether we love them or not.
“Do you love me when I'm at my worst?”
A powerful technique - in the moments we are challenged as parents - is
is to ask ourselves:
"Why did I react that way? What is it about myself or the circumstance that I'm afraid of?"
This is where we are bringing the power back to ourselves and no longer being a victim of our upbringing, our past, nor a hero or martyr of society.
We can only understand unconditional love when we have it for ourselves.
And it starts with having compassion.
On a scale of 1-10, how compassionate are you with yourself when you make a mistake?
On a scale of 1-10, how kind are you to yourself? How often, and how strong do you judge yourself?
Every human being wants to feel seen, heard, and understood. And when we are at our worst we want to believe that we are worthy of love. Because we are.
Parenthood is a great opportunity to practice and master unconditional love.
Parenthood is transformation - in mind, body, and spirit.
Yummii Nguyen is a Mindset Coach. She specialises in Relationships, Healing, and Love.
She's the founder of The Motherhood Mindset - a space for mothers who believe in healing their wounds and bringing self-awareness to their parenting journey.