Updated: Feb 18
For years I debated whether to become a mum.
The debate revolved around pressure from society but also an actual physical yearning.
But I finally settled for ‘NO’.
While I was living in India for 5 months, I fell in love with an Aussie free spirit, years passed, we got married and one summer morning, while we were standing in the kitchen as my husband was making breakfast and I was wearing my PJ’s, he dropped the ‘let’s have kids’ bomb.
You would think, we would have discussed that crucial subject before the wedding!
I made sure I kept myself busy…I knew that as long as I was studying and following my career path I didn’t have to have the baby conversation - I could put it off for a few more years - it was my excuse.
The reason why I didn’t want to have children was because, there was no way I would have another human being go through what I or what my sisters went through.
When I was 8 I remember running through the narrow hallway of my family home in Mexico. I got to the 2 odd, orange-tiled steps; the steps that made me believe I lived in a two-story house, but I was unable to move.
I was looking into my sister’s bedroom.
I only wanted to change from my uncomfortable school uniform, but as I saw my sister protecting herself with a pillow, while she was being hit by my mum, I felt the two exposed-brick walls, closing in on me.
My sister, she was not a victim. She was, and still is, a strong, courageous, intelligent and fun woman. I’ve always admired her for that.
On the other hand I was the smart cookie. Smart enough to connect dots at least.
Through the screams that sounded to me as if I was inside a bubble, I decided to be a ‘good girl’ so I wouldn’t get hurt.
I became what society, still in the 21st century, defines as the ‘perfect daughter’:
Top student, obedient, quiet, polite.
When I finally decided to become a mum, 2 years before my first son was born, I chose not to be lost in my pain. I decided not to be crushed by my anxious and sad childhood.
I took my very strong sense of justice and my passion for children’s rights and used them to put myself on the line.
Starting with, putting myself in my mum’s shoes and attempting to forgive her.
Without judging her, I could see that she really did do what was within her capacity, with the little tools and understanding, she had at the time.
I take my hat off to her. She has spent years striving to be a better person.
I began this process even before I got pregnant and my inner and outer work paid off. I started seeing childhood and family life more fully.
I was able to tap into my sweetest childhood memories, such as:
* Playing teacher with my teddies,
* Writing short stories - I wrote my first one when I was 10. I did the illustration for the cover too - it was the face of a wolf all in pencil.
* Running uphill with my dog on our way to the bus stop,
* Dancing and performing.
I was able to tap into the qualities of people who were fundamental in my life growing up - the qualities of:
*kind leadership, and
When I gave birth and met my son for the first time, I looked into his deep-brown eyes and gently touched his wrinkly fingers; and I felt safe to love profoundly again, but I also recognised, yet again, that while love would be my compass, I also needed more skills, knowledge, and practice.
I want to be able to take a breath, and know that kids are being respected, care for, encouraged/uplifted and empowered.
I want to take a breath, and know that parents are being respected, valued, educated and supported.
For a long time though, I thought I wanted this to happen in every corner of the world.
This vision and intention will always be at the core of what I do, but I have come to realise that not everyone is ready to take the step into being...
The word ‘conscious’ is well overused, and I don’t believe it even captures the importance of the state one needs to be, and to become, in order to be a part of this new era.
When parents hear about my life-work they immediately say, or later confessed of having thought, a variation of ‘tell me what I’m doing ‘wrong’’’ (either genuinely or sarcastically!)
But it isn’t my job to point fingers, nor to be the know-it-all expert. I am still working many things out!
In fact, I’m learning, unlearning and re-learning Every.Single.Day.
But what being a parent in the 21st century mean to me is:
To positively revolutionise - as a community - the way in which parents and children are living on this Earth Plane.
What being a parent in the 21st century means to me is:
To explore, to raise the conversations higher about this most important role of guiding another human being, and to do this together.
I have been tempted to get myself immersed (preferably in a cave) doing my own inner work, reading, independently doing research, observing, collecting my data and my insights, and then emerge with a shiny new book.
But these times are calling for working together, for being the masters of our own selves rather than looking out for someone else to give us the answers.
I trust that those who are drawn to be part of this invitation, an initiative I'm calling the Quantum Parenting™ Project, is because they are not only the ones looking to the future, but willing to do what it takes to be a human being living in awareness, wholeness and joy, now.
And to consciously, or unconsciously, be role models for the children we have vowed - by becoming their parents - to honour, guide, and empower.
Given you made it to the end of this article, I know you are one of those parents committed to a great present and future.
I look forward to sharing more about how to be a part of it in the coming weeks with you <3
In gratitude, Suni